Cranky Kong

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Cranky Kong
Cranky Kong Image.png
Birthday '
From Kong Island
Height '
Weight '

Debut Match
Cranky Kong Pin
W
Billy Mays
8chanmania LXIV
First Victory
Cranky Kong Pin
W
Billy Mays
8chanmania LXIV
First Championship

[[]]


Cranky Kong is a major character from the Donkey Kong series.

Bio[edit | edit source]

Despite of chiefly being known as a cantankerous old geezer, Cranky used to be the original Donkey Kong back in the 1981 arcade version of the game. Unfortunately for him, Nintendo never told Crankey that Donkey Kong was meant to be a generational title - or that his beloved son would barely see the light of day before Nintendo and Rare replaced him with his shit-for-brains grandson.

This intense emotional trauma (coupled with the passing of his late wife) turned Cranky into a bitter, cynical wretch that hates (You), the world, and probably himself. That he still sticks around in various NPC roles instead of drinking himself to sleep at night speaks volumes about former glories long undone.

In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]

Cranky Kong fought in 8chanmania LXIV. His initial fight against Billy Mays mostly was a fight between Mays trying to sell him a product against mottled fur and Cranky Kong being too stubborn to buy it. Despite of winning the match, Cranky Kong still ended up buying two bottles of the damned stuff; if mostly because it was goddamn Billy Mays.

He next faced Serval, and was quite adamant about beating some sense into the young'un. Alas, even a being reduced to pure spite will still feel the grip of old age; and as Serval told him to be nicer to his friends, Cranky quietly longed for his beloved Wrinkly Kong.