80s Noise Marine

80s Noise Marine
Chaos Rock Star
Birthday Unknown From Unknown, most likely Chemos Height N/A Weight N/A Manager Slaanesh
Debut Match Guitar Warrior 80s Noise Marine L Pin Nigra Mona 8chanmania XLIV First Victory 80s Noise Marine W Pin Marie Poppo 8chanmania L First Championship [[]]

" Alright you pitiful worshipers of the corpse emperor. Are you ready to ROCK?!"

— 80s Noise Marine

The 80s Noise Marine is an ancient Chaos Space Marine from Warhammer 40.000. He is a follower of Slaanesh, the chaos god of excess.

Bio

As many fa/tg/ugys will assure, the early editions of Warhammer 40k were a magical thing. The setting by no means took itself as serious as it does nowadays, and actually was fairly ripe with humor and self-parody - a good example being Ghazkull Mak Urak Thraka, one of the nastiest Orkz in Imperial history, whose name totally does not sound similar to Margaret Thatcher.

The 80s Noise Marine is another of those gems. Whereas modern Noise Marines worship Slaanesh by looking like pink dildos and simply producing as much noise as they can when they're not busy doing drugs, human slaves, or drugs made from human slaves; the 80s Marine is unashamedly modeled after contemporary glam rock stars. When he starts one of his gigs, the Noise Marine's flamboyantly colored armor reflects the headlights with such intensity that half the crowd goes blind while the other creams itself from ecstasy, and once he begins to trash the strings of his heavily modified sonic guitar, more than just a few eardrums are going to break.

In 8chanmania

Season 2

The 80s Noise Marine first starred in the tag team tournament of 8chanmania XLIV, where he fittingly teamed up with Guitar Warrior. The concert ended pretty quickly after their combined rock was muted by the combined memes of Nigra and Mona.

He made another try during 8chanmania L. He initially faced the notoriously kleptomaniac Marie Poppo, who immediately stole his guitar. Having defeated her, he very nearly would have ravaged her rectum in revenge, but Slaanesh ordered him to the next gig. Said gig unfortunately happened to be a fight against the frost giant Brauggi, who was in no mood for music after being repeatedly denied his belt, and hence stomped the Noise Marine into the ground.

Season 3

His third appearance was in 8chanmania LXXI. Unfortunately, Uncle Buck did not share his taste in music, and it all went downhill from there.

Recognizing their shared passion for Rock'N'Roll, the Noise Marine teamed up with Snake Sanders for 8chanmania LXXVI. Their metallic riffs defeaned Hisoka Morow and the Magician, but were ineffective against Cirno and Zara.

The 80s Noise Marine would appear alongside Goff Rokka in another tag team for 8chanmania LXXXVII. Their rock was louder than the constant screaming of Lost Soul and Beheaded Kamikaze; they showed Glitch Boss and Special Snowflake that "being special" usually is meant as an euphemism, bested Rance and Stork (with the Noise Marine notably trying to confiscate Rance's "demon weapon" before being pulled off by his partner), and earned their tickets to the finals by glassing Master Chief and Noble Six. That the Glam Rocker and the Goff Rokka eventually saw defeat at the hands of Dr. Morbis and Nemesis was not exactly well-received.

Taking his last chance to rock in 8chanmania XCVIII, the 80s Noise Marine once more teamed up with the Goff Rokka. Their initial match against the WWEW Soldier and his Blood Eagle buddy was a textbook example of a hype match, and could have gone literally anywhere if Blood Eagle would not have suffered a spontaneous brain aneurysm that prevented him from doing anything useful while the Rokka pinned his partner. Sadly, being superhuman monsters and having a superior taste of music somehow was not enough to let them win their next fight against Senator Armstrong and his niece Abby Anderson, with Abby KO'ing the Noise Marine in the middle of the match.