Duane!
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Duane! is the boy from the 1989 direct-to-video film titled "Barbie Dance Club".
Bio[edit | edit source]
Back in the day when the internet was limited to dial-up modems and you didn't get forty-seconds ads on your ten-second YouTube clips, companies sometimes would supplement their TV and newspaper ads by shipping VHS tapes full of promotional content to potential customers. Barbie Dance Club was one such advertising stunt and, as one might expect, contained a horde of ten-year-olds furiously dancing it off to assorted Barbie Songs.
It would have been a pretty forgettable experience, were it not for one stupidly suave bastard named Duane! and his impressively slick moves. As the rest of the kids began to crowd around him - girls visibly interested, boys sexually confused - Duane became a singular figure on the dancefloor; moving with a grace and fluidity that would have left Michael Jackson himself turning from black, to white, to green from sheer envy.
Sadly, only Duanes! first name was ever given, and what became of him since the blurb's 1989 production has remained a tantalizing mystery to this day. Some suspect he fled the USA and went incognito after every female of childbearing age that participated in the filming winded up pregnant. Others speculate Duane! achieved trans-dance-ence and rose to a higher plane of existence. Whatever the truth, his dance moves were immortalized, and Duane! with them.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Duane! debuted in 8chanmania LXI. And boy, how he debuted. Dancing circles around the Green Bastard, the boy's raw, undiluted swagger could not be contained by Aku one round later, and American Bear suffered a heart attack from just trying to keep up with him. So fast were his moves that he also resisted the attempts of J-Bomb to demolish him. But success can be a dangerous thing, and dancing your way into someone's hearth plainly does not work if the person in question does not have one. Duane! thus was defeated and allegedly killed by Yuuka Kazami in the final match of the mania.
His presumed murder did not prevent him from teaming up with Disco Hitler for 8chanmania XCVIII; with Buane and Scatman John serving as their managers. The first victims of their furious dance-off were Aniki & Van Darkholme, whose overt manliness was a source of great ire for Hitler. The same held true for the constant pumping and cranking of Roy & Alma, but even though their thorough touching of Madara Uchiha and his lackey Caim was certainly obscene, the real show would not start until Duane! and Disco Hitler would face Chaika Trabant and the actual Hitler. Duane!'s victorious pinfall over Chaika opened their way to the finals, but it was there that they met their match in the form of Gintoki Sakata and Dunpan.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The exclamation mark is part of his name.
- According to Duane!, Buane actually is his disembodied skeleton.
