General Sturnn
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- "To each of us falls a task. And all the Emperor requires of us guardsmen is that we stand the line and we die fighting. It is what we do best. We die standing."
- — General Sturnn
- — General Sturnn
General Sturnn is the leading commander of the Cadian 412th Regiment during the events of Dawn of War: Winter Assault.
Bio[edit | edit source]
Compared to his Imperial Guard equivalents from Dark Crusade or Soulstorm, Sturnn is not some man-boy who creams himself after "finding" a Titan weapon five feet away from his landing zone or spontaneously realizes the 100 Baneblades he could have at hand have been sent to other battlefields in the system (which makes perfect sense given that you normally have conquered most IG-controlled territories before you attack their stronghold).
No. Sturnn is a General. Old, battle-scarred, and laden with enough medals to make the man worth his own weight in gold, this goddamn son of a gun does not need fancy power-fists or plasma guns to beat the crap out of gargantuan Orkz or vastly super-human Chaos Space Marines in melee. For what he lacks in unlockable gear, Sturnn has in raw, manly grit. For comparison: His first mission in Winter Assault sees him assaulting a heavily fortified Chaos stronghold with nothing more than a few squads of notoriously squishy Imperial Guardsmen and their glorious flashlights. The fortress was cleared of heretics in due time.
Some people would suggest that Sturnn canonically died at the end of Winter Assault after being betrayed by the Eldar whose asses he had saved not long before. Some people also spread false propaganda and should report to the nearest commissar for summary execution.
8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Sturnn's first debut in 8chanmania XXII was rather short-lived as he promptly was knocked out by John Doe.
Unwilling to live with this humiliation, Sturnn reappeared in 8chanmania XXV and proceeded to dish out three KOs in a row against Pious Augustus, Patchouli Knowledge, and Teagan Almace. Only Chen and her ability to manipulate the Honk eventually sufficed to force the good general into submision.
Sturnn's last known stint was during 8chanmania XXII. He continued his old tradition and dished out a KO against the Beakie Marine, but then had the misfortune of running into the dreaded Kenshiro - a monstrous crit machine that subjected the general to yet another KO of his own. This, coupled with Kenshiro's victories against various assorted Warhammer characters, pissed off /tg/ so severely that they held their own mini-mania with the sole purpose of having one of their own defeat the Fist of the North Star.
