Jesus Christ
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| "The Messiah" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Our god is an awesome god!
Jesus Christ, also known as Jesus of Nazareth, was a Jew who wanted to reform Judaism and somehow ended up creating Christianity instead. He supposedly was fathered by God himself, and is part of the Holy Trinity - the other elements being God and the Holy Spirit.
Because the Jews eventually got jealous over Jesus' growing number of followers (not to mention the one time he drove the merchants from the temple), Jesus eventually was crucified and died, all while desperately asking why his "father" had forsaken him. God, perhaps busy with other matters, later made up for this by first resurrecting Jesus, and then allowing him to ascend to heaven.
Despite of his inherently pacifist nature, Jesus is not averse to violence if the latter allows him to lead severely misguided lambs back to his flock. As such, his fighting style is chiefly centered around beating some sense into his opponents; always in the hope that they will accept and spread the truth of the gospel.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 1[edit | edit source]
Jesus Christ made his 8chanmania debut in 8chanmania IX, which was the first Christmas-themed mania. His first opponent was Santa Claus who he beat easily. He then made his way to the finals, but then lost to the Wampa.
Christ sought his revenge against Wampa in a pre-show match prior to 8chanmania XI - this time ganging up alongside Ski Free Yeti, Doomguy, and Proto Man. Although Wampa had his states driven up to eleven for this match, time Christ still took the win.
His solo career continued in 8chanmania XII. He defeated the renegade angel Xavier, made the homicidal zombie Bryan Fury tap out, went on leg day together with Rin Tezuka (without bothering to call down a miracle to give her arms), and sent the Tank to kingdom come. His victory in the finals, and thus his belt, came about through the submission of no-one other than the ice fairy Cirno.
As a champion, he would later show up during 8chanmania XXXIII, where he faced the dreaded Dagoth Ur and promptly offered him forgiveness after beating the crap out of the false deity. Jesus later lost to Ski Free Yeti, however.
Season 2[edit | edit source]
He would make his first appearance in Season 2 during 8chanmania XLIII, where he once again showed Santa just who was in charge of Christmas around these parts. Then, in a move of ultimate heresy, he was knocked out of the tournament by that shitty CGI bitch during the Best of 16. For whatever it's worth, Brauggi gave her a good beating in the Semi-Finals.
Proving himself to be a staple of the Christmas manias, he once again appeared in Season 3, at 8chanmania LXXIV, which was the third Christmas mania. He promptly lost to A FUCKING TREE. Embarrassing.
8chanmania C[edit | edit source]
Jesus had been summon for the historical rumble of 8chanmania C by George Washington, but was dismayed to find the ring swarming with the various goons of Bane and other mental trainwrecks. His attempt to cleanse the place of wrestling like he had cleansed the temple of the merchants failed, and despite of his impressive stamina, he was thrown out near the end of the match.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Jesus won his belt in the twelfth 8chanmania. He also had twelve disciples. Coincidence?!
- Jesus won his belt 3 manias after his first loss. He rose again on the third day. Coincidence!?
Gallery[edit | edit source]
And on the third day, he belted.
