John Doe
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In Reality[edit | edit source]
An avatar for every military FPS ever created. He is typically a simple southern boy and only wanted to get home to his wife Jenny and his son Little Bobby.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 1 Debut[edit | edit source]
John debuted as part of the roster for 8chanmania XXII. While the initial fighter list only called for a 'generic WWII sniper' John was selected to fill the role. Using his skills acquired from military training and the occasional brawl back home, John took the belt and cemented himself as a fan favorite.
As a champion, Doe took part in the grand finals of 8chanmania XXXIII. His match against Chris Benoit drove the audience to tears as he assured him that "monsters don't cry", and he knocked Kazuma Kiryu out cold. The unknown soldier even defeated Sly Marbo, only to get sorted out by Brendan Fraser in the semi-finals.
Grand Finals and IN/V/ASION[edit | edit source]
During the 8chanmania 33 Finale John Doe went up against and defeated Chris Benoit. Many an Anon cried manly tears after the fight, but Doe would go on to lose to Hands of Evil in the next round.
John Doe fought on /v/'s side to free Brendan Fraser during 8chanmania x MFW - IN/V/ASION. He lost in the preliminaries to an entity that probably had contributed a bit more insanity into John's already twisted psyche, the Malal Daemonette.
Return in Season 2, Subsequent Attempted Murders[edit | edit source]
John Doe reappeared in Season 2 for 8chanmania XLVI, against the wishes of his loving wife. He returned to the 8chanmania ring of his own will, with the apparent goal of killing Scuttlebug so that the entity will not be able to corrupt anyone else. Unfortunately for John, he suffers from severe PTSD and other trauma related to the existential mindfuck Scuttlebug had given him. Because of this, every wrestler he fought was contorted into grotesque, speechless monsters; the ring was transformed into a blood-covered, rusted cage over which a thick haze covers; and John believed that every fight he was in was a life or death situation. Though this is what John and the audience sees during the fight, it is actually a false perception and is completely not real. John in reality is fighting the wrestler he was supposed to fight in the real ring, but he and the audience cannot see anything but the fake, twisted reality before them. In other words, we are seeing through a crazed, broken soldier's eyes. Depressing gimmick aside, John defeated Adam Goodes and Diaz in 8chanmania XLVI, before losing to a critical hurricanrana done by Parappa. The loss seemed to snap John out of his PTSD-fueled haze, though not for long.
His return in 8chanmania XLVII was quite a bit more successful. Despite of still being haunted by nightmares that turned all of his opponents into nightmarish (or even more nightmarish) versions of themselves, Doe managed to defeat Giygas, Wicked K, The General, and even the dastardly dancing skeleton Buane. Despite Buane having the power to cut through John's hallucinations, even in defeat, John slipped back into his waking nightmare again, finishing off Phantom R (whom he saw as Silent Hill's Robbie the Rabbit) in the finals. With the victory, John officially became the first wrestler to hold belts from two seasons.
Theories have circled that the curse of Silent Hill has taken over John's mind and is feeding on his PTSD, his survivor guilt, and his existential crisis
Doe came to fight his last fights during the grand finals of 8chanmania LXVI. He defeated the bizarre couple Lamaj & Erioiore when the two cops tried to arrest him and also proved too difficult to heal for the White Mage, making his situation seem hopeless. Then, he meet the Muscle Wizard. And things changed.
Although it came through a school of hard knocks (repeatedly, to the head) the Muscle Wizard managed to banish the maddening nightmares and visions that haunted the forlorn soldier, and seemingly turned what used to be a PTSD-ridden wreck that questioned its own existence back into a sane human being. Or did he? Only time will tell.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
"Don't bother. . .it's too late for me. I always lose when the rage comes over me. I lose against you. I lost to them ... I lose my ... happens all the time, really."
"Your what? Your family?"
"No. I do not deserve to call them family. A monster like me doesn't have a family. Not anymore, at least."
"...I've seen plenty of people turn into monsters over the course of the war. You're not one of them, bubba. Because monsters don't cry"
- Chris Benoit and John Doe during their 8chanmania XXXIII match
Gallery[edit | edit source]
John Doe, with his first belt.
And with the second one.
