Johnny Sasaki
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Johnny Sasaki is a character from the Metal Gear series, first appearing in Metal Gear Solid.
Bio[edit | edit source]
A grandson to a Russian GRU soldier also named 'Johnny', Sasaki joined the US military in 2004, and would proceed to become part of the top-secret GENOME forces taking part in the 2005 Shadow Moses incident masterminded by Liquid Snake. After the latter's end, he would join in with the mercenaries of Olga Gurlukovich, before finally (and somehow) finding his way back to the US forces; namely as part of Meryl Silverburgh's 'Rat Patrol 01'.
Though quite skilled with both information and explosives (effectively making him the designated 'Computer Nerd'), Johnny's main claim to fame undeniably is his irritable bowel syndrome - and with it, bowel movements that came at the most inconvenient of times. That he didn't shit himself when he put the ring on his superior - or fighting back-to-back alongside her while suffering multiple gunshot wounds from enemy FROG Troopers is a type of crap you need to believe in.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Johnny debuted in 8chanmania LXXVII. Facing Nanami, he tried to interrogate her on the whereabouts of certain IRS agents that had gone missing over the events of 8chanmania LXVI. This attempt badly backfired as Nanami not only punched the well-deserved shit out of him, but also because even the surprise gun Johnny pulled from somewhere in his armor proved useless as he was overcome by the sudden urge to relieve himself.
Though not participating in 8chanmania XCII, Johnny's screams could be heard all the way from the bathrooms while the sudden Chaos incursion on the hands of Slaanesh ended up biting him in the ass. And quite proverbially so, probably.
His last appearance was in 8chanmania C, where Johnny had do deal with major crap in the form of Mr. Hankey. Although he terminated the talkative turd after a twelve-minute match via pinfall, Mr. Hankey simply took home within Sasuki's intestines, sending him straight to the bathroom once more.
