Junior Constable Cactus
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- "Don't worry, I do this kinda thing all the time."
- — Cactus, after blowing a billion-dollar piece of technology to pieces
- — Cactus, after blowing a billion-dollar piece of technology to pieces
Junior Constable Cactus is the main protagonist of the twin-stick shooter Assault Android Cactus.
Bio[edit | edit source]
Built in the venerable Luna facility, Cactus is an assault android - which is to say, a mobile weapons platform with a humanoid body and an AI-powered personality module. She volunteered to join the Interplanetary Police (or 'IPP') that watches over the stellar shipping lane, but certain quirks within aforementioned personality module meant all of her successes come with a hefty dose of collateral and/or property damage.
When the space freighter Genki Star sent out a distress call to the IPP, Cactus was quick to board the ship (namely by crashing her own ship right into it). She quickly discovered that the Genki Star's robotic crew had gone rogue, and that the only way to return control of the ship was to reboot the central Nexus Core controlling all of them - even if this took some convincing via liberally applied firepower.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Cactus fought in 8chanmania LXXIX. She amusingly arrived after getting reports of the rogue AI GLaDOS, only to have Banzai Man inform her that she was one season late. Since she already got her flamethrower all warmed up, though, he immediately made her part of the show by setting her up against Donkey Kong - promising the simian a large banana if he won, and also promising the android a large banana if she won. Cactus immediately agreed to the fight.
Cactus' fight ended on short notice once her battery was depleted, and while Donkey Kong went to the next round, Banzai Man went 'round the audience to ask if anyone had a spare Double-A.
