Kurt Wylde

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Kurt Wylde
Kurt Wylde Image.png
Birthday '
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Debut Match
Kurt Wylde W
Pinfall
The X-Pilots
8chanmania LXVIII
First Victory
Kurt Wylde W
Pinfall
The X-Pilots
8chanmania LXVIII
First Championship

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"NOBODY BEATS KURT WYLDE"
— Kurt Wylde


"EVERYBODY BEATS KURT WYLDE"
— Literally everybody


Kurt Wylde is major character from Hot Wheels: World Race and the later Hot Wheels: Acceleracers movie series.

Bio[edit | edit source]

An erstwhile darling of the racing community, Kurt got disqualified from the Grand Prix over a car that might have had one or two mildly illegal modifications. He didn't pay much of a second thought when some local corporate bigwig invited him to a new tournament in a suspiciously racing-themed pocket dimension. And since the bigwig didn't mention the alien artifact the racers were supposed to retrieve, Wylde didn't mention he was there to sabotage the whole mess.

While Kurt eventually snaps out of his unwholesome affair with assorted cyborg dommy-mommies and robo-racers, it doesn't change the fact that his entire obsession with coming in first mostly hides an extremely sore loser. For all of the redeeming moments the movies throw his way, Wylde still stands as the speed-addled equivalent of Seto Kaiba, and will accordingly flip the table if he gets bested in a children's card game yet again.

In 8chanmania 3[edit | edit source]

8chanmania LXVIII[edit | edit source]

Kurt Wylde debuted in 8chanmania LXVIII. Stupidly smug after his first victory against Peter of the The X-Pilots, he agreed to (and promptly lost) an actual race against Takumi Fujiwara. This didn't prevent him from running him over in the actual ring proper, and he pulled the same stunt on Hawlucha and Ulala. Indeed, he was well on way of securing a belt, but Not Important showed him that you can't outspeed a serial killer.

8chanmania LXXIII[edit | edit source]

Unable to deal with the massive dent in his ego, Kurt defeated both Mr. Cobra and Sam Porter Bridges. Sadly, no-one had bothered to tell the SS13 Security Officer that nobody beats Kurt Wilde, and Kurt ate a crushing KO twenty seconds into the match that got him hospitalized. Ouch.

8chanmania LXXVI[edit | edit source]

For the tag team-themed 8chanmania LXXVI, Wylde was dragged out of the hospital by John Cena (and a man that suspiciously looked like John Cena) so he could help Brauggi to start his new rap gimmick. The plan went south the moment they ran into Luca Blight and Ugandan Knuckles, and the two heels having Esdeath as their manager meant Wylde was put on ice after their defeat.

8chanmania LXXXII[edit | edit source]

Thawed out again, Kurt went on to punch Tito Dick right in the you-know-where, but could not stop Fred Rogers from putting a sweater on him.

8chanmania LXXXVII[edit | edit source]

Kurt teamed up with the equally fast Resurrected Road Runner, and then got kicked out of the match in record time by JC Denton and Brauggi.

8chanmania XCVIII[edit | edit source]

Wylde's last regular ride in the ring took place in the last tag-team event of the mania, where he teamed up with a seemingly restored Captain Falcon R. To the surprise of no-one, the two speed freaks immediately jobbed and were thrown out of the tournament by Punished /v/ and /b/rotha; culminating in R-23 being absorbed back into the Replica Hivemind.

8chanmania C[edit | edit source]

After an unhappy run-in with Alma Wade temporarily disrupted R-23's mental conditioning, Kurt immediately showed up and challenged the Replica to a race; claiming that he had been on a streak of bad luck and kept losing ever since he last met him. Wylde actually managed to win the race (by a mere fifth of a second), but getting back on the track still ensured R-23 turned back into Captain Falcon R.