La Madremonte
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| Mother of the Forest,
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La Madremonte is a legendary figure from the mythology of Colombia's native people.
Bio[edit | edit source]
La Madremonte, ("Mother Mountain") or "The Mother of the Forest" is a guardian of nature and the animals. Physical descriptions of her vary; with some sources stating she is a breathtakingly beautiful woman with green hair and a large hat, while others describe her as a gigantic female with bony hands, large teeth, and glowing eyes. What the sources do agree on is her being fiercely protective of the area under her supervision, and her being rather unpleasant towards humans that try to alter or destroy it.
Her preferred means to deal with trespassers is to confuse them and make them lose their way in the dense junges; even children not being exempt from her wrath. La Madremonte also is known to cause waterborne diseases by dipping her hair into rivers humans drink from and poisoning them in the process. Oddly enough, the best way to defend oneself against her is to hurl insults at La Madremonte and whip her, which makes it likely these female figures actually serve in native Colombian educational tales about solving domestic disputes.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
La Madremonte debuted in Shitpostmania. Not one to take shit from a cat, she forced Cheshire Cat to tap out, and was lest impressed by the jump-jet finicking of Blood Eagle. The same held true for the Replica Assassin, and after teaching Deadpool that even functional immortality does not shield one from great pain, she won herself the belt by whipping the Crimson Viper.
But then, in hour of her glory, La Madremonte pulled off her mask. And her bodysuit, for that matter. What emerged was no-one else than John Cena.
Emphasis on 'was'. The powers that be, having finally realized that asspulling mask moments because you don't like a specific wrestler winning is colossal bullshit, reversed the decision later on, so that Madremonte now holds her belt again.
Seemingly irritated by the whole 'environmental damage' thing brought about by humanity, La Madremonte entered the grand finals of 8chanmania XCIX with a vengeance. The first to suffer it was Yeti Girl, which she not only defeated, but also trapped in an otherworldly jungle. Mother Mountain went on to wreck Default-Chan, took great offense at the disregard for marine life displayed by Kawase Umihara, and reduced the hulking frame of Gundam Rose to scrap. This earned her a ticket into finals, but in an epic display of nature versus science, it was there that she was vanquished by the evil Dr. Morbis and a very excessive amount of napalm.
As stated in her epilogue, La Madremonte went back into the jungles of her native Colombia. Much much as the latter vanished little by little, so did she, until Mother Mountain became a mere myth.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
La Madremonte with her belt and prize money.
