Los Tiburon
Los Tiburon | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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"The Shark of the land" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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- "I am Los Tiburon, and I am a Luchador !"
- — Los Tiburon
- — Los Tiburon
One of /tg/'s oldest legends, alongside Sir Bearington and Commissar Fucklaw, Los Tiburon is a masked luchador in the same vein as Rey Mysterio Jr., Mil Máscaras or El Santo, a warrior who employs the ancient ways of Mexican-style pro wrestling, otherwise known as Lucha Libre, to take down his foes in the name of justice
Birth of a legend[edit | edit source]
"Always, ALWAYS make sure that to the crowd, you are their hero! Or even their villain! For while the forces of evil are something that Los Tiburon finds hateful and deplorable, it takes truly evil villains for truly grand heroes to shine brighter than ever! Make absolute sure that whenever you do anything while masked, you do so that people will remember! Remember how you pinned that hill giant! Remember how you stood atop a pile of defeated gnolls! Remember what you ate for breakfast! For this is the way of the lucha!" -Quote attributed to Los Tiburon
As described within the ancient scrolls of /tg/, the legend of Los Tiburon began with a simple half-orc monk, who didn't want to follow the same path as his colleagues, who kept presenting themselves as "true martial artists" while being really cringy and weaboo, no, instead, the soon-to-be Tiburon chose the path of the masked luchador, a true practitioner of the Lucha Libre style of pro-wrestling, not just using mere strikes like kicks and punches, he opted to grapple every opponent he and his party encountered; headlocks, suplexes, leglocks, armbars and all sorts of "llaves" are his bread and butter. Over the course of his career, he has wrestled a great number of worthy foes, his feats include: grappling a bear into submission and pinning a dragon from 200 meters in the air.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 2[edit | edit source]
The Shark of the Land debuted in 8chanmania XLVI, but got kicked out by the 8chanmania Ring right during the preliminaries.
He formed a tag team together with Vivec for 8chanmania LIII. The team proved highly successful - they defeated:
- Robin Mask and Big Body
- Candyman and Spongebob
- Haze and Buddy Armstrong
- Fujiwara no Mokou and Keine Kamishirasawa
Their rise to glory only came to a halt during the finals, when Buane and Scatman John created a beat they could not match.
Los Tiburon made a third, if largely unofficial appearance in a pre-show fight against Donte in 8chanmania LXI. His Lucha blood running hot with the spirit of the Cinco de Mayo, he handily defeated the Mexican demon hunter.
His fourth appearance came during 8chanmania LXV, where he once again paired up with Vivec. The two bested Shaggy Rogers and Serval, as well as Tiff Crust alongside a largely unwilling Default-Chan before succumbing to the combined mass of Big Mahu and American Bear.
Season 3[edit | edit source]
Taking a bit of a backseat, Los Tiburon served as the trainer of Hawlucha during both 8chanmania LXVIII and 8chanmania LXX. The latter proved especially infuriating to him, as Shield-chan "captured" (or rather, abducted) Hawlucha from him, causing the wrestler to swear an oath of vengeance the likes of which few had ever seen.
Los Tiburon relaunched the lucha for 8chanmania LXXV. He stopped Mr. Bones' attempt to start another wild ride (with some timely intervention from his late grandmother) and dealt a more crushing blow to the ego of Horatio the First than he did to the man himself, but all of his strength proved useless against the concentrated sass of CDI Zelda.
Through circumstances unknown, Los Tiburon and Hawlucha were reunited to fight as a tag team for 8chanmania LXXVI, with their Mexican compatriot Angel serving as their manager. The honor of La Lucha shone as they managed to defeat not only Vile and Dark Falz, but also bested the ancient Aniki and the second /b/rotha. Their status as Latinos, alas, was less than helpful during their encounter with the hard-boiled LoL AngegnA cops Lamaj and Erioioire; and their defeat meant Hawlucha went straight back to Shield-chan.
24 Hour Stream[edit | edit source]
Los Tiburon didn't participate in 8chanmania LXXXIX himself, but hassled the actual fighters in search for Hawlucha until he got arrested and thrown into super wrestler prison by the Lolice. He would have stayed there, but during the subsequent 24 Hour Stream, Jessie and James from Team Rocket arrived at his cell to present him with a daring plan: Los Tiburon would fight his way to freedom. Not as a wrestler, however - but as a Pokémon trainer.
Thus equipped with a modest starter team, Los Tiburon fought his way out of prison, and made battle against:
- Team Rocket (to prove he was worthy)
- Paul Blart (who came chasing after him on a Segway)
- Youngster Joey (who really just wanted his number)
- Banzai Man (after accidentally stumbling into the ring proper)
- Lolice (who wanted to put him back under "awwest!")
- and El Grapadura (who sought to punish Los Tiburon for undoing his mask after he first got arrested.
He ultimately ran right into Shield-chan, and the two held a grueling 60+ turn match over the fate of Hawlucha. Which Los Tiburon technically lost, but also won because Shield-chan got so annoyed she ended up yeeting Hawlucha right at his face the moment the match ended. It was a heartwarming reunion, if one did ignore Shield-chan's continuous rant about how Hawlucha totally sucked, anyway.
Season 3 (Again)[edit | edit source]
He went solo for 8chanmania XCVII. He fought a lengthy, yet surprisingly friendly match against Austin Idol that culminated in his victory, yet even his extraordinary power was outdone by the chocolate-fueled muscle of Doc Louis.
8chanmania C[edit | edit source]
His last known match was during 8chanmania C, where he once again teamed up with Hawlucha. The two fought another team of trainer an pokemon in the form of Aniki and his Machamp, but ultimately lost when Machamp pinned Los Tiburon.