Slaanesh
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Slaanesh is one of the four major gods of Chaos from both Warhammer Fantasy and Warhammer 40.000.
Bio[edit | edit source]
Slaanesh, also known as The Dark Prince (or probably The Dark Princess, depending on its mood) is the chaotic embodiment of desire, lust, and hedonism; but also obsessive perfectionism. To this end, its followers include anything ranging from drug-addled sexual deviants, to feverish artists seeking to create the ultimate masterpiece, to fearsome master swordsmen who move with wildly superhuman grace - and that might be just one guy.
While Slaanesh's "whatever floats your boat" policy ostensibly might seem fairly neat, it usually comes with the drastic downside in that its followers become slaves to their own pleasure, and must go to increasingly extreme lengths in order to experience their desired sensation. To illustrate: The Emperor's Children, Slaanesh chosen servants from Warhammer 40.000, already have vastly superhuman senses by virtue of being Space Marines, but ten thousand years of snorting warp dust and cocaine made from humans slaves have dulled down these senses to the point they require even harder drugs to actually feel anything at all. The chance of growing random dicks or tits from all over your body is not really helping, either.
While Slaanesh doesn't judge anyone for their kink, it is especially fond of Elves/Eldar; whose ability to process sensations with far greater intensity than humans makes their souls an especially tasty treat for it. In Warhammer 40.000, Slaanesh actually was "born" (or rather, "fucked into existence") when the Eldar threw the greatest orgy the galaxy had ever seen.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 1[edit | edit source]
Slaanesh debuted at some point during the first season of 8chanmania, but as usual, the exact details have been lost to history.
To the surprise of absolutely no-one, Slaanesh was one of the fighters nominated for the first porn-themed tournament, namely 8chanmania XXX. There, it defeated a generic Dark Elf to shove live rodents into the latters urinary tract as an extreme form of king play, but Rance timely intervened as a referee. Slaanesh's further success or failure in the competiton is unknown.
It's first recorded appearance was in 8chanmania XXXII, where it tried to pervert the staunchly masculine Kenji Setou, and suffered defeat after Kenji somehow regrew his wizard powers despite already having lost his virginity.
Season 3[edit | edit source]
When Violet shut off the Gellar Fields prior to 8chanmania XCII to save on the electricity bill, Slaanesh's old darling Doomrider and scores of his buddies promptly invaded the mania. The warp taint this created would remain even after the gellar fields had resumed operation in 8chanmania XCIII, and ultimately resulted in Slaanesh itself paying the mania a second visit. Inquisitor Jaq Draco, severely offended the Chaos god had brought no Genestealers with it whose anal clasps he could investigate, called down exterminatus on the mania and thus blew up Earth.
After the Wrestle Gear's guardian in the form of Mr. Shake Hands Man had been defeated in 8chanmania XCV, Slaanesh showed up and tried to claim it for itself by invoking the porn-themed 8chanmania XCVI. Deffy's backup plan to call in Kenji Setou failed when Slaanesh defeated him in a pre-show match, but just as everything seemed lost, the IRS arrived. Alas, even the epic 3v3 battle between the taxmen and Slaanesh, Risky Boots, and Iku Acme ultimately ended in favor of the lewd league, yet the timely arrival of Agent J temporarily put a halt to the plans of Slaanesh and its followers.
The deity of depravation would show up for one last time in 8chanmania C, where it teamed up with master moaner Iku Acme and the zombified Femdom Hitler. The unholy trinity fought a thot patrol consisting of Sly Marbo, Kenji Setou, and Mr. X. Their thirteen-minute fight ended when the tyrant trashed the fabricated Führer (again).
