Teagan Almace
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Teagan Almace is the perhaps only redeeming feature of the Tumblr-tier RPG Maker games Uncommon Time and the perhaps only reason why Anon regards it with even a single flicker of interest. She is a physical fighter, intently concentrated on the task of protecting her friend Contralto 'Alto' Cantabile, but this has become increasingly difficult as she keeps being nominated for (and abducted into) 8chanmania.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 1[edit | edit source]
Teagan, despite not ever winning a belt through all of 8chanmania: Season 1, has still participated in a great number of manias. The first documented evidence for her presence comes from 8chanmania XXII, where she lost against Scuttlebug in the preliminaries.
She would later fight in 8chanmania XXIV. Teagan quite staunchly refused the sexual advances of Alice Fateburn XVI, would not be Hulk Hogans brother, and gave the birdbrain of Utsuho Reiuji a good whack before she herself got whacked by the enormous mech Mazinkaiser.
One week later, in 8chanmania XXV, Teagan made short process with Kingdom Hearts' Riku before forcing Cornholio to tap out, but then ate an Chimera-sized crit by the armored fists of General Sturnn.
Severely disgruntled, Teagan was brought back in for 8chanmania XXVII. Her frustration was so severe that she managed to make the grizzled old veteran Cid Highwind tap out during the preliminaries, and the KO she inflicted in the Beheaded Kamikaze one round later speaks for itself. Still, her raw anger could not hope to simply dispatch the great Cornholio, and after the MC of TP simply walked out of the match the first time they met, she eventually lost to him in the second one via pinfall.
Teagan's last chance to belt in Season 1 came during 8chanmania XXXII. Things looked good when she effortless defeated Henry of Skalitz, turned better when the same fate befell Kid Chameleon, and even the most pessimistic of her fans saw a flicker of hope when she took out the personified Crit-Machine Kenshiro. Her subsequent victory against Nigra seemingly made her belt all but guaranteed, but alas, she met Brendan Fraser in the finals...
Behind the Scenes[edit | edit source]
Following the events of 8chanmania x MFW - IN/V/ASION, Teagan was rescued and recruited by Foxhound (see also: Behind the Scenes: Special Delivery). During the events of the Brendan Frasergy Movie Night, Teagan tried to infiltrate the wrestling facility ("Big Shell"), but was intercepted by Solidus Snake, who explained to her that said facility actually was just a cover-up for the "Wrestle Gear" - a machine to harness and control Frasergy in order to make the final adJUSTment. Little did Solidus know that Fraser had already regained his energy after the word "just" had been uttered over a hundred times during the movie night...
Season 2[edit | edit source]
In 8chanmania: Season 2, Teagan first fought in 8chanmania XXXIV, and promptly lost against /quest/'s Richard.
She eventually went on to win 8chanmania XXXVIII after jobbing for so long, and even managed to get Punished /v/ to say Uncommon Time is a good game after defeating him in the bonus round.
Having already won her belt, the martial arts master went on to act as the trainer of Chesnaught during 8chanmania LIV. Her efforts went to waste as her pokemon lost to the Hydreigon of Not-Ganondorf.
She eventually left to fight in 8chanmania LXVI, but although she defeated the fan favorite Solaire of Astora and even the rampaging Doomguy, Teagan saw herself bested and defeated at the hands of the dark bancho Kunio.
Season 3[edit | edit source]
After much behind-the-scenes work in Season 3 that is too lengthy as if that we could be arsed to retell it here, Teagan finally reentered the ring in 8chanmania XCVII. She cared little for the soothsaying of Hex Maniac ("Fate is shit"), proved superior to the advanced robotics of Mega Man X, survived the womens' self-defense fighting style of Bobby Hill by virtue of having no balls to crush, and ensured Ghost Widow became closer to her ghost aspect. The finals saw her facing and violently rejecting the pineapple pizza delivered to her by Pizza Ya San; resulting in an epic battle culminating in Teagan's victory and her second belt.
She soon had to defend said belt in a four-party rumble between herself, Mr. Cobra, Solid Snake (who later turned out to be a disguised liquid snake), and John Smith. Here too, Teagan persevered; being the last woman standing after she forced Mr. Cobra to tap out.
All of Teagan's efforts ultimately allowed her to enter the grand finals of 8chanmania XCIX - only for her to immediately leave it again when Kawase Umihara threw her out of the preliminaries. Her epilogue saw her rejoined with Alto Cantabile; both standing at a dock and just about to enter the last ship that would leave before the onset of winter. Teagan could not help a weird-sense of déjá vu over the entire scene, but it was not as if it meant a Game Over, right?
Teagan's last appearance was in 8chanmania C, where Abby Anderson roughed her up in search of the mysterious wrestle gear.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Teagan being mistaken for a boy is one of the oldest running gags in the history of 8chanmania.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
Teagan, acutely pissed off.
Teagan, not getting her belt
Teagan searching for the Wrestle Gear
Teagan with her belt
Took her long enough
