Teagan Almace
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Teagan Almace is a major character and party member from Uncommon Time.
Bio[edit | edit source]
Being a childhood friend of Alto Cantabile, Teagan readily opts to accompany her to the lands of Harmonia; where Alto is destined to perform a musical ritual in order to save the world. Except Teagan does not actually believe in any of that hogwash, and chiefly tags along because she believes Alto is such a stupid, shit-for-brains knucklehead that letting her travel by herself would be no different from outright murder.
In Teagan's defense, her usually abrasive personality mostly stems from crippling guilt issues over not being able to protect Alto sooner. That Alto herself seems to be willfully oblivious and just keeps smiling as she marches towards mortal danger doesn't help, either. But for all of her ultimately good intentions, continously treating someone like a raw egg does tend to have a detrimental effect on people.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
Season 1[edit | edit source]
Teagan, despite not ever winning a belt through all of 8chanmania: Season 1, has still participated in a great number of manias. The first documented evidence for her presence comes from 8chanmania XXII, where she lost against Scuttlebug in the preliminaries.
She would later fight in 8chanmania XXIV. Teagan quite staunchly refused the sexual advances of Alice Fateburn XVI, would not be Hulk Hogans brother, and gave the birdbrain of Utsuho Reiuji a good whack before she herself got whacked by the enormous mech Mazinkaiser.
One week later, in 8chanmania XXV, Teagan made short work of Kingdom Hearts'' Riku before forcing Cornholio to tap out, but then ate an Chimera-sized crit by the armored fists of General Sturnn.
Severely disgruntled, Teagan was brought back in for 8chanmania XXVII. Her frustration was so severe that she managed to make the grizzled old veteran Cid Highwind tap out during the preliminaries, and the KO she inflicted on the Beheaded Kamikaze one round later speaks for itself. Still, her raw anger could not hope to simply dispatch the great Cornholio, and after the MC of TP simply walked out of the match the first time they met, she eventually lost to him in the second one via pinfall.
Teagan's last chance to belt in Season 1 came during 8chanmania XXXII. Things looked good when she effortless defeated Henry of Skalitz, turned better when the same fate befell Kid Chameleon, and even the most pessimistic of her fans saw a flicker of hope when she took out the personified Crit-Machine Kenshiro. Her subsequent victory against Nigra seemingly made her belt all but guaranteed, but alas, she met Brendan Fraser in the finals.
Behind the Scenes[edit | edit source]
Following the events of 8chanmania x MFW - IN/V/ASION, Teagan was rescued and recruited by Foxhound (see also: Behind the Scenes: Special Delivery). During the events of the Brendan Frasergy Movie Night, Teagan tried to infiltrate the wrestling facility ("Big Shell"), but was intercepted by Solidus Snake, who explained to her that said facility actually was just a cover-up for the Wrestle Gear - a machine that could harness Frasergy in to produce various adJUSTments. Little did Solidus know that Fraser had already regained his energy after the word "just" had been uttered over a hundred times during the movie night...
Season 2[edit | edit source]
In 8chanmania: Season 2, Teagan first fought in 8chanmania XXXIV, and promptly lost against /quest/'s Richard.
After an entire season of jobbing, 8chanmania XXXVIII saw her defeating Hercules of the Cheetahmen, Kenji Setou, Kanoman, Big Rig, andAnkha to finally win her belt. She even defeated Punished /v/ in an aftershow match; forcing him to publicly states that Uncommon Time is a good game.
Having already won her belt, the martial arts master went on to act as the trainer of Chesnaught during 8chanmania LIV. Her efforts went to waste as her pokemon lost to the Hydreigon of Not-Ganondorf.
She eventually left to fight in 8chanmania LXVI, but although she defeated the fan favorite Solaire of Astora and even the rampaging Doomguy, Teagan saw herself bested and defeated at the hands of the dark bancho Kunio.
Season 3[edit | edit source]
After much behind-the-scenes work in Season 3 too lengthy to be retold here, Teagan finally reentered the ring in 8chanmania XCVII. She cared little for the soothsaying of Hex Maniac ("Fate is shit"), proved superior to the advanced robotics of Mega Man X, survived the womens' self-defense fighting style of Bobby Hill by virtue of having no balls to crush, and ensured Ghost Widow became closer to her ghost aspect. The finals saw her facing and violently rejecting the pineapple pizza delivered to her by Pizza Ya San; resulting in an epic battle that culminated in Teagan's second belt.
She soon had to defend said belt in a four-party rumble between herself, Mr. Cobra, Solid Snake (who later turned out to be a disguised Liquid Snake), and John Smith. Here ,too, Teagan persevered; being the last woman standing after she forced Mr. Cobra to tap out.
All of Teagan's efforts ultimately allowed her to enter the grand finals of 8chanmania XCIX - only for her to immediately leave it again when Kawase Umihara threw her out of the preliminaries. Her epilogue saw her rejoined with Alto Cantabile; both standing at a dock and just about to enter the last ship that would leave before the onset of winter. Teagan could not help but feel a weird-sense of déjá vu over the entire scene, as if she had forgotten to do something extremely important.
8chanmania C[edit | edit source]
When Ron Paul stormed into Deffy's commentary booth during 8chanmania C, Teagan was among the number of Season 3 champions she sent out against him. In practice, this resulted in a bloody battle royale that saw Teagan thrown out of the ring well before Mega Man X emerged as the last machine standing.
Later during the same tournament, Teagan also got roughed up Abby Anderson in her search for the mysterious wrestle gear.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
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Teagan, acutely pissed off.
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Teagan, not getting her belt
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Teagan searching for the Wrestle Gear
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Teagan with her belt
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Took her long enough
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- While 8chan and its successor boards have a complicated love-hate relationship with Uncommon Time proper, it is generally agreed that Teagan is the only redeeming trait of the whole game.
