The Conductor
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The Conductor is a major character from the 1985 children's book The Polar Express and its 2004 animated movie adaption.
Bio[edit | edit source]
Suppose, if you will, that there is a train. Suppose furthermore that all of the train's passengers are young children, who board it with a stark lack of parental supervision and with nothing more than the pajamas on their backs after being tempted with the promise of presents. And - last but not least - suppose that this train is not headed to Epstein Island, but rather goes to Santa's workshop on the North Pole.
The man in charge of this entire operation, simply known as The Conductor, generally is a jolly fellow whose saint-like patience is instrumental when it comes to not beating the snot out of the little shits whenever they hit the emergency break again. Of course, it's equally possible that the Conductor, the rest of the train's staff, and the train itself all are one giant eldritch abomination, but that's another story.
In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]
The Conductor fought in the Christmas-themed 8chanmania LXXIV. His attempt to take Cirno's ticket (and Cirno trying to use a frozen frog as a ticket) lead to his first and last match in the mania, as he got his uniformed rear kicked by The Strongest.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Generally forgettable in terms of plot, The Polar Express is mostly remembered due to how much of a trainwreck is motion capture-animated characters were, and serves as a textbook example how to successfully send your audience down into Uncanny Valley.
- Conductor we have a problem