The Ratio to Horatio

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The Ratio to Horatio was a plot segment that took part over the course of 8chanmania LXXXVI.

A /b/rotha Getting the balds[edit | edit source]

Following the defeat of Nigra against Horatio the First during 8chanmania LXXXV, the /b/rotha had been forcibly transformed into yet another carbon copy of Horatio himself - safe for his majestic 'fro.

This obviously did not sit well with the perfectionist, but despite of having destroyed most of the /b/rotha's soul by giving him the Horatio treatment, Horatio's attempt to also give him the bald resulted in a spontaneous act of rebellion against his new master. Alas, Horatio had already predicted this, and smugly bribed Banzai Man to let him fight the /b/rotha in a side match in the midst of the preliminaries.

To the immense joy of the audience, the Horatio'd /b/rotha managed to defeat Horatio. To its despair, Horatio promptly cheated by using his alien bullshit powers to shave off his 'fro anyway. But all hope was not lost, for with his last cry of resistance, the /b/rotha had unwittingly called on an old acquaintance.

/v/ Does (Not) Play PS3[edit | edit source]

Heralded by an entire stream of expletives and racial slurs, Punished /v/ stomped into the tournament. And he was pissed. Which doesn't mean much since /v/ is perpetually pissed twenty-four hours a day, sure, but for all of his acerbic relationships with the rest of the board mascots, seeing one of them denigrated like this seriously set his grumpy meter to full "NOA Localization" levels of intensity.

Being the perfect little prick he is, Horatio had anticipated this, too. He thus unleashed PS3-tan (and her games) on Punished /v/, who fully intended to unload eight years of sexual frustration and jokes about her not having any games upon the board mascot. A fierce battle ensued, but while fueled with righteous anger, /v/ ended up getting overwhelmed and put into a cage by his two opponents. Well, one opponent, really.

The Cage Match[edit | edit source]

While they had /v/ behind bars, Horatio and /b/oratio had not yet broken his spirit. To achive that, they needed something that would drive even /v/'s perpetual, white-hot fury into the deepest depths of despair. Something so cancerous, something so painfully annoying and obnoxious that even Punished /v/ would balk and shudder at the sight.

So they called in Boxxy.

What nominally was meant to be a cage fight came with a lot of 'cage' and very little 'fight', as /v/ frantically tried to get out of the cage and away from Newfaggotry Incarnate. Yet fear can unlock unknown powers in a man, and as he pulled himself out of the cage with one last kick to the fiend's very face, Punished /v/ left the enclosure with even greater anger than before.

/v/ Against /b/[edit | edit source]

Visibly unconcerned by this, Horatio discretely made his way towards the exit; leaving /b/oratio to deal with the mess. The latter, now understanding /v/'s weakness to all things cancerous, went straight for the nuclear option and entered the ring with Epic Fail Guy at his side. It was a devilish plan, for by its very nature, the Epic Fail Guy losing the match (as intended) would mean he and /b/oratio would actually win.

The tragedy ran straight through its sole act. In winning against the tag team /b/oratio and the Epic Fail Guy, /v/ lost both the match and the /b/rotha's soul. All hope seemed lost.

The Mania: Re/b/rolution[edit | edit source]

But as the world itself seemingly came to a standstill, Punished /v/ urged /b/oratio to remember: There would always be a pool. And there would always be AIDS. And so long as there was AIDs in the pool, there would have to be someone to close it.

These words (and a generous spirit bomb on the part of the viewers in the chat) forced /b/oratio through a reverse Michael Jackson - his skin turned back to black, and before long, his hitherto bald pate disappeared under a 'fro of majestic proportions.

There was but one thing left to do.

Pool's Closed[edit | edit source]

With the /b/rotha restored to his proper self, he and Punished /v/ descended upon Horatio Prime with a vengeance. The latter used every fiber of power nestled within his ever-so-perfect body, but stood little chance against the combined might of two board mascots. Even as Horatio cried out that one could not kill something that was more than a god, the /b/rotha closed his metaphysical pool and banished the megalomaniac alien to the shadow realm.

With all things said and done, /v/ then called /b/rotha a stupid you-know-what and went back to playing Bannerlord.