Joseph Stalin

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Joseph Stalin
Joseph Stalin Image.png
Birthday December 18th, 1878
From Georgia/ USSR
Height 5'4 (163cm)
Weight '

Debut Match
Joseph Stalin L
Sub
Hans-Hermann Hoppe
8chanmania LXII
First Victory

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First Championship

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Joseph Stalin was the de-facto leader of the Soviet Union from 1922 until his death in 1953.

Bio[edit | edit source]

Born as Ioseb Besarionis dzе Jughashvili in the Georgian town of Gori, young Joseph was an avid writer of poetry and originally studied to become a priest. Suffice it to say that he changed his mind - by 1907, he had established himself as "Georgia's leading Bolshevik", and by 1922, Stalin was the General Secretary of the freshly-created USSR. Being very fond of this post, he went to extraordinary lengths to ensure he could keep it by installing those loyal to him in positions of power and sending those who were not into the gulags. Leaving aside a little famine around 1932, this worked fairly well until the Germans decided to follow an angry Austrian who would not stop shouting at people, and the rest is history.

Notable traits of Stalin included being such a manlet that he wore stacked shoes and insisted on speaking from raised platforms to make himself look taller, and eventually becoming so paranoid that everyone who gave him so much as a weird look was gifted a free vacation in Siberia. On the other hand, Stalin also was an avid fan of classical music, a fairly good billiard player, and could cite passages from Walt Whitman by heart. That everyone secretly wanted to kill him was not his fault, and that he had all of them killed before they did it pure self-defense.

In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]

Stalin debuted in 8chanmania LXII, where he served as the board representative for /leftypol/. The authoritarian ruler met his anathema in the form of /liberty/'s Hans-Hermann Hoppe, who physically removed Stalin from the tournament during the preliminaries.

He reappeared in 8chanmania LXXIX, and promptly got done in by a Goff Rocka.

Red Joe was one of the statesmen invited to the historical rumble of 8chanmania C. But just as the rumble itself went awry due to the meddling of Bane, Stalin himself was soon thrown out of the ring.