Captain Qwark

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Captain Qwark
Captain Qwark Image.png
Birthday '
From Metropolis, Kerwan
Height '
Weight '

Debut Match
W
8chanmania VII
First Victory
W
8chanmania VII
First Championship
W
8chanmania VIII


Copernicus Leslie Qwark, most commonly known as Captain Qwark or simply Qwark, is a superhero/villain from Ratchet & Clank.

Bio[edit | edit source]

Although outwardly appearing as a gallant and noble hero, Qwark actually is more of a walking parody; being cowardly, arrogant, and, most importantly, phenomenally lacking in common sense. Him bullying Dr. Nefarious during their shared school days may very well be the main reason why the latter would turn very much nefarious indeed. Later on, Quark admittedly would defeat assorted supervillains as part of his professional career, but was equally likely to cooperate with or become one himself them so long as it saved him trouble or contributed to his over-inflated ego.

His morals slightly improved as of Up Your Arsenal, but even so, Qwark rather notable character (and mental) deficiencies mean he usually causes at least as much harm as he is trying to prevent.

In 8chanmania[edit | edit source]

Season 1[edit | edit source]

Qwark likely debuted in 8chanmania VII.

He won his belt in the following 8chanmania VIII, although lacking documentation means we can't be sure who he fought, if he fought anyone at all, or whether him winning the tournament was just another bag of bullshit on his part.

At any rate, his belt allowed him to participate in Season 1's grand finals. There, Qwark fared favorably against N. Tropy, but tapped out against Ski Free Yeti in the next round.

Season 2[edit | edit source]

Although not officially banned, Qwark's dubious means of victory saw him absent from most of Season 2. He tried to sneak himself into 8chanmania LXI by (poorly) disguising himself as a certain "Nurse Shannon", only to be immediately found out by Default-Chan. Following a 30+ minute long pre-show match, she served him a crit and kicked him out of the mania.

Season 3[edit | edit source]

Qwark made his grand return in 8chanmania LXXV. Said return began with him kicking Captain Falcon R's mass-produced clone ass before he adopted him as his new "superhero cadet", and as the ring can only handle so much heroism, he promptly removed two other heroes from its premises - namely Akiyuka Takahara and Mega Man X. His hitherto smug grin was subsequently crushed by Badmella.

For what little it is worth, Qwark made good on his promise to mentor Captain Falcon R on how to be a "proper" hero and made him his tag partner for 8chanmania LXXVI. It goes beyond saying that this ended in disaster - faced with Ganondorf and Exdeath, Qwark himself was incinerated to ashes, while Falcon R somehow was reconnected to the Replica hivemind, bereaving him of his free will.

Following his impromptu cremation, the late Captain Qwark appeared in the Undead-styled 8chanmania LXXXI. The veteran asskicker of aliens took quick care of the Flood Combat Form and likewise made short work of the vampiric wraith Raziel, yet stood little to no chance against (You).

The good captain somehow made it back to the land of the living and straight into 8chanmania LXXXVI. His initial success against the highly illegal pirate radio station of DJ Professor K did little to help him when he had to deal with and eventually lost to Moot.

The Curse of Qwark[edit | edit source]

During its first season, 8chanmania still was lacking many features that would appear later one, one of them being quality control for wrestler submissions. This sometimes came with great comical effect as Anons created wrestlers while having literally no idea what the everloving fuck they were doing, but of those who did, some few decided that masturbating over won belts was much more important than the chance of everyone having fun (gasp!), and thus decided to create obscenely overpowered wrestler edits with min-maxed stats, pin-spamming custom logic, and anything else that reliably took the joy out of the game.

Captain Qwark has been widely assumed to be one of those wrestlers, and his championship in 8chanmania VIII thus resulted in great frustration by all but one of the involved individuals (who later threw a tantrum over certain accusations anyway). The aftermath saw greatly increased suspicion against those wrestlers that performed just a bit too good than should be normally possible (popular wrestlers being obvious exemptions), and for the rest of Season 1, any wrestler winning his belt in a somewhat shady manner produced the quick outcry "I bet Qwark is behind this!".

Gallery[edit | edit source]